If high schoolers aren’t dating to get married, then they must be dating for heartbreak… right? That’s possible, but then there is this idea of discovering love. We date in high school to try and define our own conception of love. 

Love is a funny word. It is comical because no one truly knows what it means. There is no one perfect or concrete definition in society. 

Although, according to Dictionary.com, love is defined as “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” 

This definition is solidified as the true definition of love within today’s society, yet it seems merely impossible to classify love within these defined eight words. 

The conception of love is delicate to discover when it comes to love in high school. The definition will appear to be different for anyone who tries to define their love with their significant other. So, how is it that love cannot be defined in high school? The thing is, love is not one simple definition. Love is the memories that are created with that special someone, the physical reaction to this other individual, the thoughts that roll through your mind. Love is what comes unexpectedly, the struggles that each couple goes through, the unknown, and the connection. For me, this is what I have found love to consist of, but also much more than that. This definition above seems to be the baseline of how a connection is first bonded. 

My definition of love will vary from every other high schooler’s definition. Various different people will create their definition based on their own experiences. If you think about it, love begins with someone else when a connection begins to be created. A desire for this other individual develops and it becomes almost a necessity to be with this other person. This feeling pushes individuals to begin to need this other person more than they have ever needed anything before. These could be some of the early signs of love. 

According to Teens Health, closeness seems to be the glue in holding together relationships after the excitement fades. “The crazy intensity of the passion and attraction phase fades a bit after a while. Like putting all our energy into winning a race, this kind of passion is exhilarating but far too extreme to keep going forever. If a relationship is destined to last, this is where closeness enters the picture. The early passionate intensity may fade, but a deep affectionate attachment takes its place.” 

I see myself as knowledgeable in this area for my partner and I have had struggles pertaining to our relationship, but I feel as if we have been able to grow ourselves back to one another through working around how each other views love. As love develops over time and begins to become a constant in both the lives of a couple, it loses its touch of being new and fresh. So, the next part of love is trying hand-in-hand to keep the connection going. Once there has been a development of this wonderful connection, how can high schoolers keep things together when they begin to fall apart?

One way is to consider whether love is to blame when an issue occurs within a relationship. According to Susan Pease Gadoua, a licensed therapist and author mentions on  Psychology Today, “Many of us show love in the ways we hope to receive love (the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have others do unto you) but this assumes your partner defines love the same way you do.” It is clear that each person’s definition of love should be important on all scales, for it could also lead to a relationship downfall. Understanding each high schooler’s personal conception of love as well as their partner’s is important to find a way to keep that love on fire.

When love is hard, it may appear to be working against each partner, but they must push together to figure out where it has gone and how to get it back.  

According to Teens Health, it is normal in high school to fall out of love. “We typically have shorter relationships as teens because adolescence is a time when we instinctively seek lots of different experiences and try out different things. It is all part of discovering who we are, what we value, and what we want out of life.” 

Love falls apart because high schoolers may see issues as crushing, and they may just give up and accept the fact that their love is failing. As love falls apart, if they want to save the connection, each partner must remember why that love started in the first place.

It must be remembered that the hurt, the struggle, and the hard times are also the love. Love comes in many different forms and with that comes the pain. In high school, we believe that love must consist of solid happiness and nothing else. The truth is, there is no possible way for love to be wonderful all of the time, but it is known that this pain is also love through understanding how each couple got to the point of pain. There will always be an endeavor that will occur within intimate relationships, which is undoubtedly unavoidable. 

The couples who stay together for years in high school don’t make it through their relationship without an instance where they must fight to grow back their love. These couples are together for so long because they have worked to bring themselves back to the love they had when it was new and fresh. 

Junior Ashlee Julian understands the struggle of building back love with her boyfriend: “We had to talk a lot through everything. There have been so many fights, and at times we have learned that we just need to let things go because it isn’t worth losing our relationship over. Says Julian, “We’ve been together for a solid year and nine months, and we still run into problems so we aren’t perfect with our relationship at all, but we get through all the fights by just taking a step back and breathing and talking honestly with each other.” Julian and her boyfriend have been love interests since 8th grade. 

This idea of a deep connection between two high school kids is a curious topic. No teenager is expected to understand the boundaries and the meaning of love. Many may say that love in high school is impossible, yet the idea that love is impossible in high school is invalid because high schoolers’ definitions of love with their partners are for them to decide. High schoolers will know when they have found love, for this feeling is created for them to define. This love will be the connection made, the memories generated, the comfort exchanged, and whatever else they believe suits their definition of love.